why?

I really can't stop wondering why...? i used to be alright... I used to know more girls than guys, i used to chat more with girls than guys, i used to think about simple girlish problems... it used to be easier to get along with girls, and incredibly hard with guys... now it seems almost the same...  i used to be shy of all the adult talk... I used to get annoyed at meeting new guys... i used to ignore them... i used to be a good girl...

but now? 

well, i don't really know... now i return any sign of interest, not out of politeness as i used to, but out of pure curiosity... I want to know them...  and i can be any kind of a person for them to get to know them: i can be young and naive or old and mature, i can flirt or i can betray no interest...

sometimes i really think i should stop...  but i somehow can't do that...but the thing that bothers me the most is that no matter how interested i get, no matter how i sometimes wait to talk to them again, no matter how nice they seem, or even how i seem to begin to fall for them... no one is just right... i still want that 1 person... maybe it's bcuz it's been so long since i last saw him, or talked to him that the memories began to fade, that i became so irresponsible and fearless about new guys... or maybe bcuz i'd been alone for too long... i think i'll be back to normal once back at home... or at least i hope so...